week 11 - beginning 12th February 2001

to see previous entries first click here

monday
A weeks gone by and I haven't written. Too busy - hardly a thought about finding my mum. Christopher rang. I finally got to hear why his Christmas was so hard - his family just watch T.V. the whole time. He says to get anyone in the room to notice you you have to stand right in front of them and block their view to the flickering screen.

tuesday
Started a multimedia design course at college & did my first animation today! The drive to Bristol took longer than I thought. I've decided to go and live there.

wednesday
Stayed in bed too ill to get up. Migraine.

saturday
My migraine is much better - I went for a walk just as it was getting dark - my favourite time to be walking. It's bitterly cold my hands only warm up at the top of the hill on my way back. The ground is hard and shines white through the dusk. I hear ducks and owls and see a badger. Siberia was in the news today - 200 people in hospital in one town with frost bite, 30 dead. I wonder what it would be like to go home and then get taken to hospital to have my hands cut off - can't really imagine it.

I'm feeling lonely and low like I usually do on the third day of my migraine - its like the worst of the pain is over so I've got the energy to notice the despair that sets in.

Saw a picture of a Zambian orphanage in the paper about twenty 2 year olds all sitting together in an orphanage. They are called AID's orphans. When I see pictures like that I immediately want to go and love those children. Maybe one day I will. I wonder how many staff they have for 20 children.

sunday
Started cleaning the house today - getting ready to move.

Una's moving to Frome, I'm off to the city. She's feeling sad about leaving our house she asked me today if I was. I wasn't really. I told her I adapt easily because I lost my mum and had to adapt to a new family. She said she had tried to hold on to her mum. For me there was nothing to hold onto.

We talked about community. Our search for it. I said if we'd come from healthy functional family we wouldn't be looking for it - we'd just have it where ever we went, we'd create around us with ease. Are we looking for our family? Our family as it should have been?